Open
by SammieLynnsMom
Summary: He was right and they were wrong, and that was all he had to stand by. With his career soaring and his marriage sinking, will Edward see they were right all along? What will he learn along the way? AH E&B By End
1. Chapter 1

**I always suck at what to say at the start of any new story, accept hello, thanks for opening this!**

**I own nothing accept the twisted things that come out of my head. **

**Thank you to Allison & Rhonda for pre-reading and BusyBrie for betaing!**

**Thanks for giving me a shot!**

**Extended Summary: He was right and they were wrong, and that was all he had to stand by. With his career soaring and his marriage sinking, will Edward finally see that everyone was right at the start? It's just a game until someone gets hurt. It's just a game until you start playing for keeps. The truth is, it was never a game-This is the journey of Edward figuring out exactly where he was meant to be in life. Told primarily from his therapist's armchair.**

**Banned made by SoapyMayhem:** http:/i10(dot)photobucket(dot)com/albums/a140/a_soldiers_princess321/OPEN(dot)png

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_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"_Walking away from her was the hardest thing I've ever done," I admitted with my face planted firmly in my hands. _

"_Why?" She continued to push for more like she always did._

"_Because…" I sighed as I looked up, willing myself to form the words. Trying to find, deep down, where I had gone wrong while praying that I could still put the pieces back together. "Because she was home. When I was with her, I felt like the world made sense and it wasn't about being right anymore. I just wanted to be happy…happy with her."_

"_Do you still think you could be happy with her?" she asked next. _

"_Yes," I replied without missing a beat. A smile played on my lips as I thought of her brown eyes shining at me the day I took her to the beach. "If only she'd return my phone call."_

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

The lights were on inside the house when I pulled up. After glancing at the clock, I realized it had taken me over an hour to get back, despite only being twenty minutes away. I couldn't even remember the traffic, or really, how I had managed to arrive safely.

When I was a boy, I always thought pulling into my driveway would put a smile on my face. It would be another day marked off, accomplished, as I greeted my wife at the door, perhaps a few babies at her heels. I'd walk in, give her a kiss, shrug off my coat, and ask her about her day. I'd help set the table while she lay dinner out and we'd smile at each other while we ate. Once our children were older, I'd ask about their days and tell them about mine. I'd help get the kids in bed before cuddling up with my wife in front of a fireplace, or sit in my study doing the monthly finances while she cleaned up. I'd offer help when it was needed, and every night, we'd go to sleep in each other's arms. Those were my dreams, no matter how idealistic.

Perhaps my notions were too old fashioned, but it was what I saw growing up. My parents were the epitome of perfect, and that was my goal: to achieve my own perfection. But, only now did I know that I'd chosen a girl who would never give me any of that. I had chosen wrong, and now I had lost everything. God, I could see it with _her_, just not my own wife!

Now, as I sat in my driveway at the height of my own failure, I realized I knew what had to be done. I knew it before I started driving back home, I knew it the month we went back to visit our families together; hell, I knew it at the start, but I had refused to admit it. My inability to accept my own responsibility was the only source of blame.

So, as I exited my car and walked up the steps to our door, I took one giant breath before walking in. I followed the sounds of music playing in the kitchen, watching blonde hair sway from side to side as she stood in front of the stove. A numb feeling ran through my veins as I decided how to approach her.

It was only a few seconds before she realized I was home, but the second I saw her smile, I saw the ugly truth. I was her seconds and she mine.

_How could I have been so blind as to what we were really doing? _I mused inside before Lauren saw me standing there.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked as she floated toward me with a bounce to her step. She knew who I was seeing, so it caught me off guard. Lauren hated _her_, and I couldn't understand why at first, but now I did. When Lauren told me she felt threatened, I laughed, but no one would be laughing now.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, letting my voice betray me. I coughed to clear my throat a bit, but Lauren had already gone off on her own tangent, assuming she knew how my evening had ended.

"This isn't about her again, is it? Please don't tell me I'm going to have to sit and watch you fall apart again, am I? Because I won't, Edward, not again. Can't you just stop doing this to yourself?" she ranted while turning away to dismiss me with her hands thrown up. Her smile had disappeared, and reappeared in its place was the woman I didn't know anymore. The woman I didn't want anymore.

Though I wasn't sure at exactly which word my veins started pumping adrenaline, I knew by the end of her speech that it was now or never. Inaction had gotten me here, and I could not, would not do that to myself again.

"Shut up," I forced out through gritted teeth. I didn't want to scream or yell; because it would get me nowhere, but Lauren needed to shut her mouth or I knew I'd blow up beyond reason.

"Edward," she continued as I huffed. "I get it. It's hard. But it's not fair that I have to sit by and watch you mope. You'll get over it and find someone new. This is why I don't do what you do; you get way too emotionally involved. However, you're home now. It's just me and you here, remember? That was the agreement."

"Lauren, I'm done," I stated so quickly it felt like I was ripping off a Band-Aid. "I can't do this anymore. I'm done."

"Okay," she drew out as her face fell. "Well, if you want to take a break, I guess we could. I'll need to make a few calls, but how long do you want to stop for? I have something Friday, but…"

"No, Lauren, you're not listening. You don't need to make any calls, except to a lawyer. I'm done with you," I explained as calmly and evenly as I could manage.

"You're not leaving me," she challenged as her hands flew to her hips. "That's not how this works. You get upset, you mope for a few weeks, and you meet someone else. You'll get over it, move on, or whatever, but you and me - this is the core of it all. You're can't leave me, Edward. Not after all we've been through. I don't believe you."

The look on Lauren's face wasn't something I hadn't seen before. It was the same look she'd been giving me since we were teenagers, whenever I dared to go against what she wanted. Her confidence drew me in when we first met, but somewhere along the way she'd become the dictator, and I became the simple servant. However, I wasn't a teenage boy anymore, and that look wasn't going to intimidate me. Lauren had given me something she couldn't go back on now: the permission to find out what else was out there. I didn't think she expected what was to come, and neither did I, but it had happened and I wasn't turning back now.

"Believe what you want, but I'm calling an attorney in the morning. I'm leaving you," I reiterated and Lauren erupted. I tried my hardest to stand there and take it, telling myself she had the right to be angry and express herself. Knowing that it wouldn't change a thing, I stood there and listened as she paced across the floor, swung her arms around like a crazy woman, and even threw a glass on the floor. She kept asking how I could do this to her, and if she meant anything to me. Assuming they were rhetorical, I continued to stay quiet. For five whole minutes I let her swing verbal insult after verbal insult until finally, she hit my chest with both of her hands and the world stopped.

"You can't do this to me, Edward Cullen! You are my husband; you cannot do this to me!" Lauren screamed again and pushed against my chest with more force than before.

"What do you mean, do this to you?" I shot back with anger and frustration laced through my tone. "This wasn't my idea, Lauren! None of this was ever my idea! Do you think I wanted this when I married you? Do you think I thought this was where we'd end up while I fought everyone who thought we'd never make it? Lauren, all I wanted, all I ever fucking wanted was you. I wanted your smiling face when I got home; I wanted to give you the house you always wanted and the car you never thought you'd get. One day, I wanted to start a family and grow old and sit in fucking rocking chairs, talking about the good old days. All I wanted was you, but I wasn't good enough for you," I roared as Lauren retreated further into the kitchen and away from me.

When I turned my head, a picture that hung on the wall caught my eye. It was taken at our wedding, but it wasn't part of the pictures we had professionally ordered. Instead, a friend had caught me smiling in Lauren's direction as she talked to her mom about fifty feet away. I had received it in an e-mail several months later and immediately had it framed to put up on the wall because it was my favorite. I took one single step and plucked it off the wall, never taking my eyes off of Lauren.

"This," I started with more calm to my voice than before as I flipped the picture in Lauren's direction. "This was all I ever wanted, and we ruined it. None of this was my idea, none of this was what I wanted, but I did it, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not fighting you more and I'm sorry for giving in and I'm sorry for not being enough, but I'm not sorry when I say that I'm done. I'm not sorry that along the way, I realized what we had wasn't enough. I wasn't enough for you, and now you're not enough for me."

For a brief second, I felt like the world had frozen in time. Lauren appeared as shocked as she was stunned, while I could almost feel every ounce of my body flowing through my veins as I threw the picture onto the table next to Lauren. The glass immediately cracked over the picture as it lay in a ruined mess, much like our marriage had become.

"I'm tired of only having a second-place marriage¸ Lauren," I whispered as I turned to leave. To me, this wasn't home anymore, and the only thing I wanted to do now was find a place to sleep. So, while Lauren continued to run after me, and even took to banging on my car windows while I backed out as slowly and carefully as I could, I continued to look away at my failure in life.

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**So, thoughts? **

**My goal is to always update once a week, sometimes I do more, rarely is it less, but normally if there comes a time where I'll have to miss a week I have enough warning to clue people in first.**

**I always aim to reply to all review replies. If you ask a specific question or would like clarification on something, I will always answer as long as I'm not being asked to give the entire plot away. **

**I will post teasers to Chapter 2 on facebook (SammieLynnsMoms Fanfiction) and twitter (SammieLynnsMom), plus some others once I figure out where. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, hello, again! **

**A huge thank you to everyone who is giving this fic a shot, a special shout out to those who have admitted to me that they are 'wussperv,' but still jumping on the Open train! Chapters in the future will be a bit longer, but for now have some Present Day Edward!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

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_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"Mr. Cullen?" A female's voice called out my name, causing my head to snap up. She wore a small smile on her face as she motioned for me to follow her back into her office.

According to what I had read online, Dr. Kate Garrett was the best marriage and family therapist in the area. I wouldn't dare ask any of my friends or the people I worked with for a recommendation, so I had combed the internet, reading online review sites and double checking her credentials. Everything seemed to add up, so I called for an appointment and had been waiting two weeks for this day to come. I had expected to feel more nervous, but the initial shock had already worn off from actually filing for a divorce.

When I walked inside the building I wasn't really sure what to expect. The walls were a nice shade of green, while brightly accented pictures hung all along it. The receptionist, Shannon, had a perky smile on her face when I approached, and she happily handed me all the paperwork with vast enthusiasm behind her voice. I imagined she was used to seeing people at their worst, so the mock happiness was probably her own shield.

Dr. Garrett's office was more or less the same, just with added degrees and certificates along the wall as well. She had her desk in one corner along with two chairs, while the opposite side of the room held a couch, loveseat, and chair arrangement with a table in the center. It was almost as if her office mimicked a living room set-up, which made sense, given her line of work.

"Please, have a seat," Dr. Garrett offered as she gestured to the black office chair in front of her desk. "Now, Mr. Cullen…"

"Edward," I interrupted nervously. "Mr. Cullen is my father. Please, call me, Edward."

Dr. Garrett looked up from the file she had been reading and smiled for a brief second. "Okay, Edward. I have to admit, I'm a bit confused as to why you've called me. Typically,, when I begin seeing new clients, the couples come in together and then we decide whether individual sessions are needed as well. Does your wife have any intention of coming?"

"No," I answered with a shake of my head. My soon-to-be ex-wife didn't even know I had thought about seeing a therapist, much less being invited to a session. Had we tried counseling at first, maybe, but certainly not anymore. No, this was about me, not 'us'. Besides, I was sure she was still focused on the paperwork her attorney received today regarding the splitting of our household. I had gotten tired of the new demands she'd been asking for every day, on top of what was already agreed upon, so finally I told my lawyer to draw up a single settlement that should shut her up. If it didn't, I'd go backwards and offer her even less. When I realized I wanted to get divorced, I hadn't anticipated it being so much of a hassle. We didn't have children, but that hadn't seemed to faze Lauren or her quest for more money.

"Okay then, why don't you tell me why you're here?" she prompted, breaking me from my internal musings. This time, as she spoke, she focused completely on me like she was gauging my reactions.

"Well," I started as I adjusted myself in the seat. "To be frank, I'm not here because I need your help saving my marriage. My wife and I are divorcing, and there isn't a chance that is going to change. What's been done can't be undone, and all that," I explained while she nodded, jotted a few notes down before looking back up. I tried to keep my emotions in check as I spoke, but it became harder as I kept going. It was difficult not to be consumed by the feelings I was experiencing, ranging from guilt to disappointment. No one really knew about my divorce yet, except a few of my closest colleagues at work, but outside of that this was the first time I've admitted it since telling Lauren herself. I had rehearsed what I wanted to say to Dr. Garrett a million times so that it would come off correctly, but I didn't' expect my nerves to try to take over. So, I took another deep breath and pressed on with my explanation as to why I was there.

"What I'm looking for is someone who I can explain the entire story to; someone who can think objectively from start to finish and help me figure out where we went wrong. Dr. Garrett, being honest, I'm only twenty-eight years old, and I want to get re-married eventually. I don't want to be alone, and I don't believe I should be. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I know Lauren and I messed up. We were too cavalier with our relationship, but I don't believe this dooms me forever. I want to make sure that I don't repeat the same mistakes. I know the statistics on second marriages are worse than first ones, but I don't want to be unhappy and alone." It wasn't until I shut my mouth that I realized that I had moved to the edge of the seat while using my hands to show how passionately I felt about all of this.

Lauren and I had failed at our relationship, at our marriage. I was being honest when I said it could never be fixed, but that didn't mean I was doomed for life. I still wanted a wife, children, and the happiness you dream about when you're a child. I wanted it, and I knew who I wanted it with, but I also knew I had to fix myself first; then, and only then, would I even try to think about _her_. I caught myself before I sighed, not really wanting to have to explain it just yet. I just hoped _she_ understood how important my letter was to her and that I meant every word.

"Edward," Dr. Garrett cleared her throat, though she looked more surprised than anything. "Edward, that's a very interesting request. One, I'll admit, I've never had before. Normally, patients call me to fix things, not once it's all over." The last word hung in the air, and I realized she hadn't asked me another question, but I still felt compelled to explain it. I had thought long and hard about this, though really it was a matter of days, but I still felt strongly that I had chosen the right type of therapist for this job.

"Can I assume correctly that you've seen a lot of patients before? And, with that, a lot of unique situations, thus opening up your eyes to all sorts of mistakes couples have made over the course of your career, even if all of those mistakes didn't come from just one specific couple? It would also lead me to assume that you've seen a lot of the same mistakes happen over and over with couples as well," I reasoned, all while she nodded her head.

"Dr. Garrett, I am a numbers man. It's what I do, what I've always done, what my father and grandfather have done before me, so I know statistics when I see it. I knew choosing a therapist wouldn't be easy, and I'm not exactly in the cleanest cut situation, either, but someone with your knowledge and experience is what I want. I need you to help me understand every mistake we made. I know the big stuff, now I need to know the in-between."

A silence hung in the room for about a minute while Dr. Garrett continued to write down more notes in the file she had brought in with her. She looked up and down a few times, almost looking like she was thinking about the right words to choose. I'd almost held my breath, waiting to be told she wouldn't take me on, that this wasn't her field. But I remained hopeful that I had presented myself not as the desperate fool like I felt, but as a challenge she could unlock. I wasn't sure if I had any other hopes if she turned me down. Fear started to bubble up seconds before Dr. Garrett started talking again.

"Okay, Edward," she spoke unexpectedly as my eyes snapped up. "I can understand where you're coming from, and I can see the argument behind your reasoning. I am willing to take you on as a patient until the time when I feel I can no longer help you. I'm not in the business of wasting your time, or mine for that matter, but I am confident that I should be able to help you achieve your goal. Now, how often would you like to meet?"

A broad smile played on my lips as we decided twice a week for the first month would work best. After the first month, we'd re-evaluate and see where the need lay, but, for now, I left feeling hopeful that I would be able to figure this entire thing out. Hell, I might be done with therapy before my divorce was even final, at the rate Lauren was stalling.

Once I got settled back into my car, I reached for my cell phone to see a new text message from my lawyer.

'_No Dice.'_

What more did this girl want from me? She was willing to live in half of a relationship, half of a fucking marriage, but now she wanted more than half of everything else? She didn't fucking deserve half; she didn't fucking deserve anything. I slaved going to school, I pushed through every single day at work even when I didn't always want to be there, I built my success from scratch, and now she thinks she's entitled to more of it than me? Fuck that. My fingers flew across my phone at lightning speed, sending the only message I knew.

'_This means war. Gut her, NOW!'_

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**I'm pretty sure I replied to almost all of the reviews I received for Chapter 1-a few times FFN gave me a hard time and some have their PMs disabled, so if you didn't hear from me, I'm sorry.**

**I did do three teasers this past week-one on Facebook, one on the Fictionator's, and one for PicTease. For each chapter I plan to continue with the same pattern. Are there any other places you're interested in seeing them? **

**My goal is to always update on, or before Thursday, so since this is Tuesday this chapter is early. Chapter 3 is with beta now, and Chapter 4 will start getting worked on tonight or tomorrow. Today is hubby's 27th birthday and he's working late, so once he gets in, well, I'll have to put the computer away. **

**I used to rec a fic in every chapter of Blind Intentions, but wasn't reading enough during Meeting Myself to keep that up. However, today, I do want to rec a fic most of you probably haven't even heard of it. It's called Criminal by Jaded Ladies (the author is jadsmama) and it's a story about James & Victoria. I know, I know, it's not Edward & Bella, but the characters aren't pushed in your face so much that you couldn't imagine it as E&B and it hurt the storyline. It's very well written, I have had sneak into the coming chapters, and it's amazing through and through. It's 16 chapters total, pre-written out, and she updates twice a week. If you give her a try, let her know I sent you and send her some love...as you can imagine, the review count is low because of the pairing.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/8069565/1/Criminal**

**I promise you won't be disappointed :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

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_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

The past few days had been longer than I imagined they would be. Of course, why I thought mediation would solve anything between Lauren and me, I wasn't sure. The judge had suggested it, but he'd obviously never met someone like Lauren before either. No amount of negotiating helped, and with word finally getting out about our separation and impending divorce, I had to admit I hated the unwanted attention. I was always one to keep my personal life separate from my work; although Lauren attended functions and dinners from time to time, my home and work lives never merged. Even before Lauren came up with the stupid idea that now landed us in court, I was still a private person. The last thing I wanted was for people to find out what had been going on for the past two years, and I feared as the divorce kept going nowhere; it would somehow come into the spotlight.

Shannon, Dr. Garrett's receptionist, greeted me with a smile before telling me to go on back, as I was already expected. Dr. Garrett and I had agreed that twice a week for a month would be sufficient to start our therapy sessions, but trying to fit in two more appointments every week within an already busy schedule was a little difficult. We agreed to meet during my lunch hour on Tuesday, as well as once more after I got off work on Thursdays.

Today was a Thursday, so I rushed out of the office and into downtown to make it in time. I was thankful for the lack of traffic, and despite my rush, I felt calmer as I walked through Dr. Garrett's office door. Even though mediating with Lauren was getting me absolutely nowhere, I still felt myself get a little bit stronger every day after leaving our house. My new apartment was nothing like I had been living in for the past few years, but somehow, it felt safer.

"Edward, come in," she greeted once the door swung open. "Please, take a seat."

I walked toward her desk as she swung around and sat back into her chair to finish typing whatever I had interrupted upon my arrival. Maybe a minute or so passed before she pushed her keyboard back under her desk and focused her attention on me.

"Normally I let the patient decide where they want their session to begin. We can sit here as we did last time, or we can move to the seating arrangement over there," she explained while her hand gestured over to the living room-esqe set-up her office had. Since I had been in and out of my own office chair all day long, I immediately chose the couch, and we made our way over.

"This is comfortable," I mused after taking a seat and loosening my tie. If I had more time, I would have changed into jeans and a polo shirt versus my suit, but I wasn't sure how temperamental traffic was going to be, especially with this being my first Thursday visit.

"Well, that's good to hear," Dr. Garrett noted. "Have you ever seen a therapist before?"

I shook my head.

"Basically, I'll ask questions, you'll give me the answer, I'll ask more questions, and we'll go back and forth until our time is up. You'll probably be giving a homework assignment to think about for the days we don't see each other, but it's not something you'll have to turn in for a grade. The goal is to keep you on track toward your goal, even if you're not seeing me for a few days. Sound okay?" I nodded my head again.

The nerves that weren't present before walking in slowly began creeping up as I finally realized there was no turning back anymore. It was time to finally tell my story. I'd come here to get the skeletons out of the closet, to make sense of it all; I still stood by that, but I felt anxious. Part of me wondered if there were answers I wasn't sure I wanted, but the stronger part of me knew I had to do this - if not for myself, then for my future self.

"You have nothing to be nervous about," Dr. Garrett soothed with a smile on her face. "Look, no matter what you plan on throwing at me, I've probably heard it before. If I haven't, I can probably imagine it happening. I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to help you recognize why you're here today at the place you're in."

"I understand," I announced with a deep breath, signaling I was ready.

"Okay. Now tell me, how you and your wife met?" she asked.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_"Mom," I hollered. "We're going to be late."_

_"I'm coming, I'm coming," she rushed down the stairs towards me. We had just relocated to a small suburban area outside of Seattle for my father's job. Well, it wasn't like it was an exactly new job, more like the changing of buildings and zip codes, but it meant moving from the east coast to the west. _

_In Washington, I wouldn't be allowed to get my license until I hit sixteen, so for the first five months I had to rely on my mother to take me to school if I wanted to avoid the public school bus. _

_"I'm sorry," she rushed and we both flew out the door. _

_School wasn't something I liked or dreaded; it just _was_. I knew I had to go, so I did my best and maintained decent grades. Unlike my older brother Emmett, who was now already in college and thrived in sports, I excelled in math and science. At my last school, we had a program called Chemistry for Kids, where several others and I would travel to local elementary schools and show off cool chemistry experiments in an effort to spark their interest in the subject. It was an amazing program, and one I wished my new school in Seattle had. _

_The drive was relatively short compared to what I was used to, and even though my mom tried walking in with me, I shooed her away. We had taken the tour the day prior and picked up my schedule, so I didn't need her. _

_My first two classes were easy to find, and most of the other students didn't seem to really notice me until my third class, Chemistry. The teacher seemed a little flaky when I asked her where I should sit; she pointed to the back desk, next to the blonde wearing a cheerleading uniform. _

_I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem or thought of myself as a geek, but I also didn't really date much, either. The few girls I was interested in typically had boyfriends, and then once we found out we were moving, which came with a pretty lengthy warning, I shut down the thought all together because the lack thing I wanted was a long-distance anything. _

_"Someone is sitting here," the girl said flippantly as I took the seat. _

_"I don't see anyone," I pointed out as the girl's face gazed toward me, as had a few of the students sitting in desks around us. _

_"Well, James isn't here today, but come tomorrow, it's his seat," she clarified as I shrugged. _

_"I guess I'll deal with him tomorrow, then. What is he, your boyfriend or something?" I shot back, a little annoyed at the girl who just sat there flicking her pencil like it was a ticking time bomb. _

_"Or something," she replied with an eye roll before Mrs. Wilson began teaching her lesson that I had learned months prior. I feigned attentiveness when all I wanted to do was get away from the stuck-up girl that kept chewing her gum and tapping her pencil. _

_It had only been about twenty minutes before a piece of paper slid toward my side of the two-person desk. _

_'You're new here?'_

_Looking over at her, then back at the paper, I pulled out a pen and replied, 'Yes.'_

_She took the paper back and quickly wrote out, 'I'm Lauren."_

_Though I couldn't understand her motivates at that point, I decided I'd be nice. 'I'm Edward.'_

_When I looked back over at her, she smiled, and it was like the room just lit up around her. I wasn't sure what exactly had transpired that day, but I knew I wanted to get to know her better after that point. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"So, it's fair to assume you and Lauren didn't start off on the right foot, but you left feeling hopeful?" Dr. Garrett questioned, and it wasn't until I came out of my daze that I realized I had shifted from sitting on the couch to lying down. Both of my hands came up to rest behind my head as I spoke about that first day in chemistry.

"Yeah. It's still hard to think about after so much has changed, but she just had this spark about her. When I first saw her, she was a lot more defensive, but once she started talking, I realized she was actually kind of sweet." I laughed bitterly to myself as I remember earlier in the day as 'Sweet Lauren' pleaded with me for an alimony sum that would make Usher's child support payments look cheap.

"It's safe to assume you'd no longer use the word 'sweet' to reference to your wife, then?" she pushed, and I cocked my head in her direction.

"Not even close. At fifteen, I would have said sweet, shy, and ambitious. Now, I'd say manipulative, conniving, and disloyal would be better suited," I informed her before readjusting my head so my eyes could focus on the ceiling above. I momentarily wondered if Dr. Garrett ever considered painting it the same green color as the waiting room, but then decided it was a stupid question to ask.

"So, what happened when James came back to class?" Dr. Garrett asked next.

"Oh, that was a blast," I replied sarcastically. "Basically, he was like the school hot shot, but a has-been at the same time. He got injured playing football and the team kept him on, but he couldn't play. He spiraled pretty fast, but he kept his hooks in Lauren. He wasn't abusive, but he wasn't good for her either. He came back to class and I was sitting in his seat and wouldn't budge. He got mouthy, I shrugged him off."

"You're avoiding," Dr. Garrett pointed out.

_'Yeah, I tend to be good at that,'_ I thought before refocusing back on the past.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_I had a rush in my step the next day as I walked toward chemistry. I hadn't seen Lauren again, and the rest of my day was as uneventful as it started. I wanted to sit next to Lauren, which is why I moved so quickly. I was happy to walk in mere seconds behind her and take the seat immediately to her right. _

_"James is here today," she informed me with a small smile. "You may want to move."_

_"I'm good," I stated as I began pulling out my notebook and pen. Only a few seconds passed before I saw a shadow standing over me. _

_"This is my seat," a rather large guy wearing a Letterman's jacket said. _

_"It's mine now," I replied coolly. As big as the guy was, my brother was bigger, so it was a little difficult to be intimidated by him, especially with the knee brace her wore. _

_"Perhaps you didn't hear well, new boy." Two books dropped onto the desk, making a loud clashing noise before he spoke again. "This is my seat."_

_This time, I chose to stand up, placing my fists on the table as I leaned forward. "And perhaps you're lost. I sit here now. I'm sure you can find another table."_

_Mrs. Wilson walked in seconds later to break up the stare down that ensued and found another seat for James. She hushed his concerns, stating he should be nice to the 'new boy.' I rolled my eyes, but grinned while he looked back at me with a murderous glare. _

_Lauren sent another piece of paper toward me about five minutes later. 'You're brave.'_

_I knew at that point that I wanted her. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"So, you were a rather rebellious teenager?" Dr. Garrett asked as I began to sit up.

"No, not really. I mean, I never went looking for a fight, but I've never appreciated being told what to do. That was what annoyed me about James. It was like when he spoke, it was to be taken as gospel, but I had a brother twice his size, came from a totally different environment, and I never played with the hierarchy bullshit in high school," I explained as she jotted down more notes.

"How did Lauren fit into all this, then?" Dr. Garrett looked up as I blinked a few times thinking about the stories I had just re-told. It wasn't something I had really thought about in terms of one affecting the other; they weren't technically dating when I asked her out, but they did have something at one point.

"I guess…" I started, but paused after a second as one small puzzle piece clicked in my brain. "I guess James made it a game, where Lauren was the prize." I sat there for a few seconds and just stared off into space, not understanding how I never saw that before. It was understandable that my teenage brain would have missed that, but had it been so long since I'd thought about it as an adult. "Wow," I breathed. "I didn't realize that."

"Well, I'd say our time is done for today," Dr. Garrett announced as I shook my head.

"Wait, do you agree with me? I mean, do you think I saw Lauren as a prize because of James? If James wasn't there, would I have pursued her as much?" I spoke in rapid fire.

"Do you think that, Edward?" she immediately turned my question back on me.

"Yeah, I do," I replied before moving to stand up, my head feeling a little dizzy with that realization.

"Then that is what matters. It's up to you to realize what you never saw clearly before," she explained as she stood up as well. "But yes, I believe you're on the right train of thought. It would make sense, given the changes in your life as well as factoring in your age and your basic personality." Dr. Garrett's affirmation of my latest epiphany solidified that I'd made the right choice by choosing to go to therapy.

I left with a thank you and a promise to see her on Tuesday before waving goodbye to Shannon and walking to my car. It wasn't until I sat down that I had a chance to think about what had just happened, but any sort of self-awareness was going to have to wait when I realized I had missed a call from my mother.

I sighed before listening to her voicemail.

_'Edward, honey, it's your mother. Listen, you know I never mean to pry, but are you getting a divorce? Your father was talking to an old colleague from back East, and he had heard a rumor about you so he asked your father. Honey, you just haven't called, so please call me back. I miss you, sweetie. Love you.'_

The message ended as the options to save or delete were recited through the earpiece, but it was the tone in my mother's voice that hit me straight in the heart.

"Damn it," I swore as my head hit the steering wheel in frustration. The last thing I wanted to do was face my parents right now. Maybe it was avoiding, but I planned to tell them once everything was already finalized. At that point, I figured I'd be finally read to hear the words I knew they'd never say to my face.

_'Edward, sweetie, we told you so.' _

Fucking Lauren and her big fucking mouth!

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**I know that I definitely didn't get to as many reviews as I wanted to this week, but I did read and appreciate every single one of them. I genuinely love hearing how everyone thinks things are going, what's to come...etc., so if you're so inclined, keep them coming!**

**Chapter 4 is already with my beta, so depending upon how quickly 5 comes out, I will probably aim to post early again next week. Tuesday seems to be like a good day, especially with keeping up with the PicTease and Fictionator Blogs which put out teaser's on Mondays, but I will always promise by Thursday. **

**Only other thing I'd like to mention is that I do have an outtake for Meeting Myself in the Fandom for No Kids Left Hungry Compilation. And, I did sign up for Round II of the Fandom for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Compilation. The LLS is an organization incredibly close to my heart, as this summer I get to celebrate my 21st year of remission. At the age of 3, I was diagnosed with 4th Stage Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Mind you, the year was 1989 and people still thought it was a contagious disease. My survivability prognosis was a mere 5%, yet 2 years later I beat ever odd out there and went into remission at age 5. I never once relapsed thanks to my wonderful Hematologist Oncologist in Orlando, Florida. The LLS was not only a help to my parents, but also to my siblings. They planned holiday parties, sponsored summer camps, helped in fitting me for a wig, and even reimbursed up to $500 in gas every year while I was ill. In 2000, the LLS stepped up again, this time to help my mother as my step-father battled his own battle with CML. Unlike me, he lost his life in March of 2003 from complications related to his leukemia. Anything you want written, I'll do without question just please let me know what you'd like to see! Doesn't matter the story, I just need to know what people would enjoy reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

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_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

By the time I parked my car on the street, it literally felt like I had just left Dr. Garrett's office the Thursday prior. When I arrived home at my new apartment that night, I called my mom and confirmed the answer to her text message. My hands shook as I dialed the number, but I knew I owed it to her to at least answer her question. Although she fired a million and one questions at me, I asked for some space and to let me call her when I was ready. I hadn't talked to my mom since that night, and the guilt was becoming all too consuming. Having my own space felt nice because I knew I was free from Lauren, but it was also the constant reminder that I was now completely alone that pulled me down. On Saturday night, I decided to stay in and focus on some work I had brought home, but I ended up drinking a few too many beers. I had gotten so drunk I almost caved in my response not to call _her_. The number was ready to go, I just couldn't hit send. I had promised _her _I wouldn't be selfish, that I wouldn't come back until I was whole again, but God, it was so tempting to just hear _her_ voice. Jesus, I missed _her _so much.

Shannon smiled at me like she always did and pointed back to Dr. Garrett's open office door. Instead of finding her at her computer again, she sat in the same chair she had on Thursday. So I closed the door and headed for the couch. Our time on Tuesdays could not run any longer than an hour because I couldn't be out of the office too long, so I appreciated that she was ready to go this time.

"How did your weekend go?" Dr. Garrett asked as I loosened my tie and took a seat.

"I've had better days," I replied automatically as her eyebrows rose.

"What was different?" she pushed for me to answer.

"Well, I left here to find out that the rumor mill had finally crossed the country and my parents found out about the divorce. I called to confirm the rumor, but then my mom started firing question after question, and I just couldn't take it. I hung up after asking for space and haven't called back. Friday afternoon, Lauren and I came to some semblance of an agreement, just for her to back out the second the papers were drawn up, so we're somewhat back at square one. Saturday, I took work home from the office, but ended up drinking too much and just…" I cut myself off on purpose. There were things Dr. Garrett didn't know yet. I knew trying to explain everything out of order wouldn't help, so I shut my lips on my biggest secret while she began dissecting everything else I had told her.

"Edward, I hadn't realized your parents didn't know you were getting a divorce. Is that common in your family? Such distance?" she fired off quickly. All the while, I shook my head.

"No, my family is extremely close. My brother and sister both have houses within blocks of my parents, and I can normally call my parents' house if I can't get a hold of someone because my mom or dad always knows where they are," I explained cautiously. I knew where this was going, I just wasn't sure I was ready to handle the truth.

"So, it's you that isn't close to your family?" she asked, her hand flying at the notepad she held.

"Yes. I graduated high school, moved out to go to college, and now live on the opposite coast," I answered vaguely.

"Tell me, Edward, what did your family think of Lauren?" Dr. Garrett questioned, though I had a feeling she understood the landmine question asked as soon as I decided to lay back down and focus on the ceiling while I answered.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_"No, Mr. Martin, I assure you, Edward never had any discipline problems at his last high school." I could hear my father's voice through the office door. It wasn't that I was a violent teenager or kept pent-up anger just waiting to be unleashed, but when I saw James pulling on Lauren, I snapped. My intent wasn't to send him to the hospital, but she was fighting him and he wasn't giving in, so I reacted, then I saw red, and…well, that's how I ended up outside the principal's office awaiting my judgment. _

_Technically, the school had every right to kick me out, but thankfully, Lauren was very open and honest about the events that had transpired, thus giving me hope of some leniency. Still, it was a large school with hundreds of students, so I was sure I was simply just a number to them, too. _

_I watched the clock tick for a full five minutes before the door opened. My mom's eyes were red and puffy, and I knew she had been crying. My father's face was more stoic, but I could read the disappointment in his eyes. I loathed feeling like I wasn't good enough, so I simply looked away. _

_"Edward," Mr. Martin began speaking. "While I understand your actions were in defense of another student, our school has a zero tolerance policy for fighting. This time, you're getting away with a three days suspension out-of-school, but if this ever happens again, you'll be asked to leave the school permanently. Am I understood?"_

_I nodded my head, grateful that I wasn't being kicked out. _

_"Thank you, sir," I replied automatically, knowing my parents would expect it. "I promise this will never happen again." _

_"Be sure that it doesn't," he stated before saying goodbye to my parents and walking back into his office. _

_I tried looking at my parents again, but it still stung, so I continued to look away. _

_By the time we got home, my father was kissing my mom on the cheek and explaining he'd probably be home late from the office. He gave me one hard look with the promise to talk later while I walked inside, seconds in front of my mom. _

_"A girl, Edward?" she asked once we arrived in the kitchen. _

_"Yes, ma'am," I replied quietly before snapping to my own defense. "But mom, if you had seen James pulling at her…"_

_"Sweetheart, I commend you for taking action, but you broke another boy's nose. He's currently being treated in the emergency room, and you put him there. That is what I don't understand. You've always been so compassionate and friendly. This isn't like you," she continued on. _

_"I know." I sighed, realizing that she was right, but still knowing that I was powerless against my feelings for Lauren. It had only been a few months since I started school in Seattle, and we had slowly started to become closer friends. Her problems with James seemed to be ever evolving, so while I hadn't asked her out, I had still planned to after I got my license in June. _

_"Honey, I know you've been talking about this Lauren for a while now, but maybe it's time to distance yourself." I didn't miss the disdain in her voice, which threw me off guard because my mother loved everyone. Even people she didn't particularly agree with she was still friendly toward, and I couldn't think back to a time where she had been openly against me befriending someone. "Don't look at me like that, Edward Anthony. All I'm saying is that ever since you showed interest in this girl, problems have followed, and it's just a matter of time before something worse happens. And, for the record, today sucked. We raised you better than that." _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"It sounds like Lauren was never liked, even before you began a relationship," Dr. Garrett commented.

"Yeah, though nothing compared to the first time they actually met her. That day at school, she had already left the office mere minutes before they got there, but I actually invited her over a few weeks later. It was awful. I had never seen my mom hold so much hate toward someone she barely knew, even when she tried really hard to hide it. I only know as much as I do because I overheard my parents talking in my dad's study late one night. At the time, I didn't understand what they saw, but I think I get it more now," I retold before going back into my memories.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_"Esme, I don't know what you want me to do. If we forbid him from seeing her it'll just cause an even worse rebellion," my father explained while I sat outside his study door. The hallway light was off, so neither knew I was listening, as they had assumed I'd already gone to be about an hour prior. Technically, this was the truth, until I wanted something to drink and had to pass by the study on my way downstairs. When I heard them talking, I veered off course and listened, appalled by what they were saying. _

_"I know, I know," she muttered, though I could hear an emotional strain in her tone. "Nothing good can come of her, though. The way Edward looks at her scares me."_

_"Baby, they're just teenagers. We'll give them some time, back off a bit, and it'll be over soon enough. We went through this with Emmett. Even though we never objected to any of the girl's, he still showed interest in a few of them one day, then a few months later they'd be gone with the wind. I'm sure we have nothing to fear. By this time next year, Lauren will be a thing of the past," my father tried to placate while my blood began to boil. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to storm in there to set them straight. I couldn't stand the assumption that I didn't know my own feelings. I loved Lauren and would continue to love her, no matter what they said. If anything, his words drove me to prove them wrong so instead of barreling in yelling, I tiptoed away after hearing my mother agree with him. Even though they kept talking, I was done listening. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"At that point, I thought my parents were insane," I finished as I broke myself out of the haze I'd gotten into while recounting the past.

"But you no longer feel that way?" Dr. Garrett asked as I sat up, shaking my head.

"No, not at all," I started. "My mom's biggest complaint was that she felt Lauren wasn't with me for _me_. That she had ulterior motives. But I always thought it was simply my parents' prejudice. Both of my parents had parents with money; my father made a lot of money, but Lauren came from a broken home and was raised by her grandmother. At the time, I just didn't have the wisdom and insight they did because as I look back, I can kind of see what they meant. At first, it was the little things, but now that we're battling in court over money and possessions it's front and center now."

"Do you still believe it was James that caused you to go after Lauren so strongly?"

I froze for a second before blinking a few times. "No, I don't think it was just him. At school, I kind of felt like I was her protector, from James at first, and then a few other guys popped up along the way before graduation. Then I'd get home and feel like I needed to defend her from my parents, and eventually, my siblings. After hearing their conversation, their behavior definitely changed, but I knew it was all a front. I never told Lauren about what I had overheard, so she relaxed for a little while until the façade went away, and we were back at square one. Lauren never felt accepted, so we started spending more time away from my family. By the time we graduated, the wedge was there."

"How long after you graduated did you get married?" she questioned.

"About three weeks," I replied with a heavy sigh.

"Edward, while I think you're seeing more than you've ever seen before, I want you to spend the next two days on focusing on what drew you to Lauren. While I do think the situation with James and your family played part of the role in your enthusiasm toward her, I want to know exactly what you felt. Then, I'd like you to focus on the time where you began to see Lauren in a different light. I don't necessarily want you to pick a day on a calendar, but just the time frame where you could finally see that Lauren wasn't meeting the picture you had in your mind. You can use your own memory to keep track or write it down, but it'll be something we're going to talk in great lengths about on Thursday.

"I think you've done a very good job at opening yourself up about the start, but it's time to start focusing on when things went wrong, because those times will teach you more of what you want. Make sense?"

I looked up and nodded. It seemed like the next couple of days would be spent self-reflecting on the past, and that made me a little nervous. Thinking about Lauren in happier times was difficult for me now after so much had changed. My rose-colored glasses had been shattered two years ago when she made it abundantly clear that I was no longer enough for her to sustain our marriage. Why I bothered going along with her idea, I still wasn't sure, but I did know that I needed to get back to work before I focused my attention too far elsewhere. If I didn't, I'd have to bring home more work and skip out of my homework.

However, my drive back to the office gave me more time to think about the situation with my parents. Lauren and I had gotten married three weeks after graduating from high school and immediately went off to college together in another state. Though my parents paid for my tuition, we were on our own for our apartment, food, and insurance. My car was paid for, but that was about it. I worked a full-time job on top of going to school full-time, while Lauren worked part-time as a waitress before dropping out of college the first year. She cited the stress, but looking back, I wondered how true that was. Though she worked, I definitely worked harder, and then once I was out of school I looked for jobs specifically away from my family. I had followed in my father's footsteps without ever wanting to be under him. I knew he had always had dreams of working side-by-side with his son, but after seeing their disdain for Lauren, I stopped desiring the same thing.

Now that my life was literally crashing down around me, I wondered how wise that move was. Where would I be if I had chosen to take a job near home? Would I really know my family better than I did now? Would I have still gone along with Lauren's ridiculous plan?

I wasn't sure of the answer just yet, but seconds after parking my car and getting out I reached for my cell phone.

In a rare moment of weakness, I pulled up my mom's name and shot her a text.

_'I'm sorry. I love you. I'll call home tonight, promise.' _

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**I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, next week's chapter will be written in the next few days, beautified and posted before Thursday.**

**I am posting early in accordance with the FFN Boycott for June 8-10th in Pacific Time Zone. While I have no idea if the impact will matter, I do support our fandom and have appreciated seeing it ban together for the sake of our Fandom and Authors. If you have NO idea what is going on, visit FB www(dot)facebook(dot)com/events/319924711420836/321187611294546/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity for more information. While I completely understand FFn has every right to remove any fic violating it's TOS, I also think they should monitor their forum's as well. A lot of mud-slinging is happening from both sides, and while I'll stay out of it, I'd like to see this all pass... preferably before these kids go back to school in the fall. **

**For those who are considering leaving FFN all together, or if this story is removed (doubtful, as the MA rating will never be an issue, though there will be lemons and quite a lot of them, it'll be more about the emotions behind it versus the mechanics thus not crossing over the line) please note it is also posted simultaneously on TWCS, I am now a member of the FFFW & AO3. I'll work on updating accounts and posting stories on those sites as well. While I have no intention on leaving FFN for good, I wanted to make sure you all know you have options if you'd like to read my words elsewhere.**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews, words of encouragement, and even PMs regarding Open. I'm a little amazed that I'm just over 150 reviews with only 3 chapters up-that is eye-opening for me! So, thank you, thank you, thank you! I refuse to hype up any single chapter, especially in this fic, but for those who are still a little unsure of Edward & Lauren's dynamic...etc, Chapter 5 will answer most of yours questions, though probably cause some more as well. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

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_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

After the last two nights I had, I started to remember why I hated homework so much when I was in school. It wasn't so much that this homework was hard; it was just that most of it didn't make much sense to me. In my head, I had a logical point in time that I could look at on a calendar and say, "That is where my marriage started to fail." But the more I thought about it, the more I questioned if it was really that day. Maybe it had been sooner. Was our marriage doomed from the start and it just took us that long to reach this point? Were we always going to end up here?

With the help of a few beers I was able to lie down and think about the past. I remembered being so blissfully happy when saying my wedding vows and believing in them so strongly. I'd confidently told my parents, "I don't believe in divorce, period." Of course, the joke was now on me, but that wasn't the point. I didn't want to look like a fool, not to my family or my co-workers. I already shook my head every time I looked in the mirror, but I knew I'd have to get over that. College was a trying time given how busy I was with work and school, and Lauren with work, but I always assumed it would be hard for any newlywed couple to get into the groove of things. So instead I focused on the few years after college, when we were happier. At least, I was happy. I landed a decent job right out of the gate and managed to climb the corporate ladder very quickly so we were never short on money. We bought a house we both loved, and we even talked about children in the near-to-distant future. On the occasional long weekend, we'd take off on small vacations and eat out way too many times to be considered normal, but there were always smiles and happiness.

Even after a few beers, I groaned while thinking about sex with Lauren. We had never been lacking until that fateful day two years ago, but now it just gave me a metallic feeling in my mouth that I wanted to scrub away. No…sex with her was definitely not something I missed. Overall, I learned that the person I'd fallen in love with had changed, and I hadn't paid any attention to the warning signs.

I stayed true to my text and called my mother the second I got home on Tuesday night. She tried to keep a strong voice, but I could hear her tears, and it gutted me to know that I was the reason behind them. While I didn't disclose exactly what had gone wrong, I calmly explained that there would be no second thoughts and that the divorce was my final decision. She wanted to know when she could visit to help me decorate my new place and when I'd have time to come home, but I didn't really have answers for her yet. Although I liked my apartment, I was still unsettled about keeping it in the long-term. There had been talks around our office of new branches opening up with a few locations being leaked here and there. Though I didn't feel like I was running away from Lauren, I knew deep down I was running from the life we once had. The memories would always taint this place, and I knew I needed a fresh break. A clean break.

Shannon greeted me with her typical hello as I took sight of the open office door. Knowing I'd have enough time to change before coming on Thursdays, I was already in jeans, a t-shirt, and running shoes. My secretary, Kimberly, had eyed me curiously when I left my office wearing casual clothes instead of the suit and tie I had showed up in, but she was too smart to ask me why. While she had no idea the specific details of my personal life, I could tell she had caught onto the major changes I was going through just by some subtle changes in her attitude. Despite being unmarried and only a few years younger than me, I was more than thankful that her newfound attention felt more motherly than it did flirtatious or nosey.

"Good evening, Edward," Dr. Garrett greeted me as I walked through her doorway. She was standing by her desk before plucking her notepad and pen up and walking toward the couch.

"Hello," I greeted before following her and taking my typical spot on the couch.

"So, how did your homework go?" she immediately asked as I sighed.

"It went," I replied, a little nervous about how I was going to answer my homework-related questions. My nerves didn't really start until my butt hit the seat cushions, but I could already feel an internal war brewing in my head. On every logical based level I knew I was here to figure out my life, figure out how I got here, and hope the future yielded a better outcome. However, the man side of me said to shut my mouth and run. Not that lying by omission would make any of my past mistakes reverse themselves, but my dignity might be held intact. However, knowing my end goal kept me pressing forward as I continued on. "I talked to my mom Tuesday night and she got a little pushy, but I managed. I know they want to see me again soon, so I'm going to see if I can work in a quick trip home for a few days. Then, I started thinking about the specific question you asked. I've always had a day in my head that I could point to where everything changed, but I'm still torn on whether that's the day it all really started to go south or it's just the day the spotlight hit. I mean, I know when it felt like it started to fall apart, but now I'm seeing that maybe it just wasn't ever complete to begin with. Does that even make sense?"

"It does," she reassured me after looking up from her notepad. "It's very easy to focus on the obvious answers because that's what front and center in your mind. However, we're going to look at the full picture, too. So, my first question is: what was the obvious evidence you had that your marriage was falling apart?"

"I'm going to need to lie down for this," I warned before stretching out on the couch and letting air rush out of my lungs.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_"Lauren," I called out from the doorway, trying to figure out where she was. I assumed she would have started dinner, but when I saw her on the sofa in the living room, I was a little taken aback. She appeared to have been crying, her normal attire was replaced with sweats, and all of the lights were dimmed. Aside from shock, I was terrified something had happened, so I rushed to her side. "Baby, what's wrong?" I asked quietly, but she kept mumbling the same phrase over and over again. _

_'I'm sorry, Edward. God, I'm so, so sorry…"_

_Not sure what she meant by any of it, I moved to her side and wrapped my arms around her as she kept saying the same thing over and over again for several minutes. Too many thoughts were running through my head as I tried to figure out what had happened while I was at work today. _

_At least five minutes went by before I was able to get her to speak to me, but once she did I wished I could go back in time and never ask her what had happened. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to hear, and I couldn't help by feel like a fool for not knowing what had been going on._

_"Did you sleep with him?" I gasped after she admitted to kissing a guy she had met while grabbing her coffee every morning. Unbeknownst to me, they had been having coffee together several times a week, and today he pushed for more. I would say my first reaction was angry, but it was more of disbelief. My brain turned to goo as I tried to wrap my head around what I was hearing._

_"What? No," she babbled for a second. "I didn't, I stopped it, but…"_

_"Did you-" I started to ask, but paused for a second. "Did you kiss him back?"_

_Lauren frozen the second the words were out of my mouth, and I knew the answer was yes before she tried to explain. "Yes, but Edward, you have to believe me. Once I realize it wasn't you, I stopped it…"_

_"Are you joking?" I asked as the fog inside my brain began to lift. "You really expect me to believe you didn't realize who you were kissing? Do you think I'm a fool?"_

_"What, no…" Lauren stuttered, but I was done listening. _

_Anger poured through my veins as I took in her words. It was obvious that she was upset because her tears were real enough, but after all I had done to get us where we were, this is how I was repaid? I loved her, defended her, and fought for us. And now she'd done this and expected me to believe it wasn't her fault?_

_I stood up from her side and started to walk out of the room in a tunneled haze. Lauren was very quick on my tail with words flying out of her mouth that ranged from being sorry to thinking we still needed to talk about everything, but I was so engulfed in frustration and anger that it had taken me several minutes to realize the hurt and utter feeling of disrespect that sat on the lowest surface of my heart. While I got up with the intent of going to our bedroom, I knew I needed to separate myself from Lauren with a solid barrier between us if I was going to calm myself down. _

_That night, I locked myself away in my home office and refused to answer my door, no matter how much she begged and pleaded. I had too many thoughts in my mind and I was seconds away from pushing past her so I could get a hotel room for the night before the hallway finally fell silent. Too scared to open the door, I simply turned my back on it and proceeded to bounce my head against my solid oak desk. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"Edward." Dr. Garrett called my name, interrupting me as I spoke. I blinked a few times before I realized the pain radiating in my arms and looked down at my clenched fists. While my nails hadn't drawn any blood, there were definitely indent marks from where they'd been. "Edward," she called again as I sat up.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, a little gruffer than I meant to sound. I hated reliving everything, not just because I wanted to go back and change all of my decisions immediately following it, but also because it made it real. It was no longer just a dirty little secret that very few people knew about, but something over which I had to take full ownership. I put myself in this position, and as the divorce continued to drag out, I wondered how much longer it would be kept quiet. Lauren had absolutely nothing to lose if it got out, but me…well, that was another story.

"You don't have to apologize," Dr. Garrett said after a minute or two. I think she realized the battle going on internally and gave me the break I needed. "I wanted your attention for two reasons. First, while I am a doctor, I'm not a very big fan of blood," she joked as she motioned to my hands. "More importantly, though, you're skipping things I'd like to focus on. When we get angry, we tend to block certain emotions that trigger more pain, thus seeing things from a very one-sided perspective. With your goals in mind, I need you to remember things from all sides."

"I understand," I acknowledged with a sigh. "I knew this wouldn't be easy, but this was two years ago and knowing where I could be now, just…" I cut myself off and shook my head.

"Edward, in your attempt to focus on the future, you've gone too far back. While you can't redo the past two years, you can hinder your future by allowing it to dictate today. Whatever stories you have to tell, decisions you've made, and agreements you went into won't matter as soon as you let go of the guilt you carry with it all," she explained, but her last few words were what my brain focused on, even after she added, "You have all the power and control now, you just have to learn to focus it."

"You know where I'm going with this, then? You said agreements, which meant you knew we opened up our marriage?" I asked point blank as she nodded her head.

"I had a fair guess. You've given me a lot of clues, but right now I don't want to jump ahead. Tell me about your first conversation with Lauren after that initial night," she prompted as I lay back down.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_My back screamed at me as I rose out of my chair. I had fallen asleep on my desk and my body simply wasn't built for it. While I wasn't out of shape, every bone in my body seemed to make a noise of its own as I stretched my hands over my head. _

_While my body began to wake up, nerves flew through head as I realized the night before hadn't been some ridiculous dream, but an actual conversation with my wife. Not having any idea what I would find when I opened my door; I slowly walked over and unlocked the handle. Had I tried to take a step, I would have fallen flat on my face. Lauren rested in a ball at the base of the door, fast asleep. Her make-up was as smeared as the night before, she hadn't changed her clothes, and she just looked so...peaceful. _

_I shook my head and stepped over her on my way to the bathroom. Barely even looking at myself in the mirror, I got ready for my day. While I didn't know the fate of my marriage, I did know I had a job to get to, and I refused to be late. If I hated anything, it was when someone was late. _

_My body went into auto-pilot as I showered, shaved, put on cologne, dressed in my suit and tie, and grabbed a muffin from the counter in the kitchen. When I turned the corner toward the door, I saw Lauren sitting at the table with a blanket wrapped around her. _

_Though I didn't even want to acknowledge her presence, I did so with my eyes only. I realized I had no desire to touch her or kiss her and wish her a good day. _

_"Are you leaving me?" she asked in a small voice seconds before I went to pass her._

_"I don't know," I answered honestly and continued to head for the door._

_"I don't want that," she called out, but I didn't turn around. Inside my head I was still reeling, and while I knew that I still cared deeply for my wife, I wasn't sure I could overlook what happened. The trust between us had evaporated into thin air the second she told me. _

_When I arrived at my office, my secretary greeted me with a large smile and a coffee in hand. As she began rattling off my scheduling for the week ahead, I froze when I realized all of this could not have happened at a worse time. _

_Not only did I have wall-to-wall meetings, but I also had a business trip scheduled at the end of the week. So despite being home for the next five days, I would then be gone for five after that. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"So you left without any real talking the next morning?" Dr. Garrett questioned. I nodded.

"Pretty much," I replied. "The whole first two days were spent just walking past each other. When I got home that night Lauren was pretty much on me for the first few hours, but I just couldn't see past the hurt to answer her. It wasn't until day three that I finally sat down with her, and leaving two days later sealed the deal for where our marriage went. The thing that still stays is my mind is that had this been any other issue, I would have taken time off work. I would have cancelled the meetings, cancelled the trip, and do whatever I had to solve the problem, but this was simple cheating. She argued against that, but that was how I looked at it. Then she sat me down to talk about being open and I felt like I lost my sanity."

"We can stay over your time, if you'd like," Dr. Garrett offered as her eyes flicked to the clock, which revealed we only had about fifteen minutes left of our session. "I'd like to hear about that third day."

Knowing I had nowhere else I needed to be, I nodded and put my head back down.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_The first two days were challenging on an emotional level. I went from angry to hurt to denial and back again. I'd walk in the door to a spotless house, mouthwatering scents coming from the kitchen, Lauren dressed up and smiling, but none of it helped. No matter how many times she tried to apologize, I just shut her out. Instead, I focused on work and the new project that my firm had taken on. Avoidance was something I had learned with my family when they did something I didn't like, so it shouldn't have been a shock when I chose the same tactic at first. _

_The third day was different, though. While the house was clean, there was no fresh cooked dinner, just Lauren sitting at the table with a pizza and a six-pack of beer. I looked at her quizzically for a couple seconds longer than I had in the past forty-eight hours. I'd even chosen to sleep in the guest bedroom instead of our room, so there wasn't even that, but I was so shocked by the change in tactic that it got my attention. _

_"Finally, you looked at me," she snapped as my eyes widened. "What?"_

_"You have an awful lot of nerve when you're the one who chose to go off and kiss another guy," I shot back as I grabbed a bottle from the pack on the table. _

_"Edward, I don't want him," she fumed, and I could tell she was over being nice to me. This was Lauren when she was annoyed, but she wasn't so used to me being angry. "I made a mistake, okay? I thought he was a nice guy, he was fun to talk to, we chatted about stupid stuff, but that was it. I wasn't dating him, this wasn't an affair."_

_"Really?" I scoffed. "Don't be delusional, Lauren. If this guy-what's his name again, Ryan? Yeah, if Ryan wasn't such a big deal, then why didn't I know about him before he kissed you?"_

_"I don't know," she excused defensively. "Look, it never came up, but it's not like you've been home much in the past month. I know your job is hectic and you have that big project, but it's not like you've made much time to talk to me."_

_"So now it's my fault?" I all but yelled while my hand holding the beer smashed onto the counter-top, sending liquid flying out of the top. "Don't give me that bullshit, Lauren. If you were that lonely, that in dire need of attention, you should have said something, because you can't act like you haven't in the past. I know I get wrapped up in work sometimes and I know I can become oblivious, but I've never once turned away from you when you've asked me to."_

_"Why do I have to ask? Why should I have to ask, Edward?" she yelled. _

_"God dammit it, Lauren, you are my wife. The woman I stood before my family and God and vowed to love and cherish for the rest of my life, and you fucking ruined it, over what? A Starbucks coffee and a guy to notice you're beautiful?" I shot back. _

_"I'm beautiful?" she whispered as my eyes went wide. I had been so focused on my anger that her shift in emotion hit me straight in the heart. Certainly I couldn't have been that busy to make my wife feel like she wasn't beautiful?_

_"Are you kidding me? Of course you are. You've been the most beautiful woman I've known since we were sitting next to each other in chemistry class, Laur. You're the only woman I look at," I replied with a more normal tone. While I kept my breathing even to calm myself down, taking swigs at my beer every few seconds, I realized how much self-doubt began to cloud my thoughts. There was no way I'd take responsibility for her actions, but had I been the source of them? Could I have helped avoid this from happening? In my head, I reasoned that the answer was yes. _

_When tears fell a few seconds later, my resolve to stay mad cracked. I placed the bottle down and walked over to my wife for the first time in seventy-two hours. My hands went around her shoulders as my lips found her forehead. "Don't you know there is no one else I'd rather be with than you?" I asked quietly, only causing Lauren to cry harder. _

_The next hour was spent in a calmer fashion. She told me more about the events that led up to the 'Starbucks incident,' as I began calling it, and I realized how much I had let work get in the way as of late. _

_However, by the time I was four beers in, we were both lying on the living room floor staring at the ceilings as we talked. I had felt a pretty strong buzz, borderline drunk by that time, so my thoughts were understandably a jumbled mess. _

_"Why did you kiss him back?" I whispered after we stopped laughing from a joke Lauren had just told._

_"I don't know," she started. "It was a weird feeling. You're the only guy I've kissed since I was a teenager and I guess I wondered how it would feel. Then I did, and I knew I couldn't hurt you like that."_

_Her words stung, but I didn't get angry. Instead, my thoughts went in another direction._

_"I'm also the only person you've ever had sex with, too," I pointed out as she sighed. _

_"Yeah, you are," she affirmed. _

_"Do you think about that with another man, too?" I questioned. While the drunken haze was heavy over my head, I actually wanted a real answer. When she didn't speak for a minute or two, or however long, I asked again, this time a little more forceful. _

_"Yes," I heard her whisper after the second time. I groaned and brought my arm up over my head. "Have you wondered? I mean, I'm the only woman you've been with, right?"_

_"Yes, you are, and no, I haven't," I snapped and I heard her squeak. "I just don't know what to say to that. I mean, do you want to cheat on me? Are you looking to just waiting for an opportunity?" _

_"Edward, I'd never do that behind your back," she shot back almost flippant. _

_"But what? You'd ask my permission?" I leaned up on my side and stared at her face. _

_"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I don't know. Edward," she huffed as she sat up and twisted her body toward me. "We've been together since we were kids, basically, and then we were thrust into the responsible world. I know we want kids soon, and yeah, I've thought about what we missed along the way."_

_"Oh, you mean the drunken frat parties and date rapes? A handful of one-time dates, and maybe a few one-night-stands, parties and clubs? I mean, has the life I've given you been that bad?" I asked in horror as I realized what she was truly saying. _

_"No, I love our life, but you asked if I had ever thought about it and yes, I have," she replied as she pushed herself off the ground and looked down at me. _

_"You know what," I started angrily. "Go off and have you flings. Who am I to stop you? Though what the hell do you expect me to do, sit in the corner and wait for my wife to want to have sex with me again? Lauren, I know I've had a lot to drink tonight, but you're not making any sense to me right now."_

_"You could," she answered like it was the most obvious answer in the world. "You may not have thought about it, but you've had to be curious about some things. If you're giving me permission, then I'm giving you permission. We'd have to set up rules, but open marriages aren't that uncommon anymore." _

_"So we're open now?" I deadpanned. _

_"Yeah, I think we are. Just temporarily. I'll do my thing, you do yours, and then we'll go back to live as it was, more wise than we were before," she explained with way too much enthusiasm as I just stood there, blinking. _

_What the fuck had I just agreed to?_

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"That's pretty much it," I explained as I sat up, numbness washing over my body. I wasn't angry anymore; at least, not over that initial day. Instead, my feelings were reserved elsewhere, but now I just wondered how I could have been so stupid.

"Do you believe Lauren to be a manipulative person?" Dr. Garrett questioned with an odd look on her face.

"Yes," I replied simply. "While I wouldn't have given the same answer a few years ago, I'd say she is now. She always has been, I just didn't see her clearly enough. Why?" Agitation present in my voice.

"Edward, do you believe Lauren put you in this position on purpose? Set you up, if you will?" She dug around some more with her questions as my head immediately fell to the side.

"It isn't out of the realm of possibilities," I drew out, a little curious to where she was going, but was abruptly cut off as she stood.

"I'll see you back on Tuesday," Dr. Garrett announced with a small smile on her face. "I know you're confused, but your homework for the weekend is to think about why it happened. You had been together for a decade, married for several years; there were no big changes planned, and then this. Why then, why not before? Do you understand?"

I nodded my head and left after saying a quick thank you. Shannon said goodbye as I walked out and headed straight to my car.

Dr. Garrett gave me a lot to think about, but I had been serious about sleep. My head was starting to throb, my body felt so dead that I knew I'd be able to think clearer after a decent night's rest. Even though I knew my dreams would be plagued with memories of _her_, I guess I did have something to be thankful for in all of this. Lauren had really taught me that sometimes the grass actually_ is_ greener on the other side.

* * *

**So...*whistles*... how's it going? Hope this helps clear up a few things for some of you, the illustrious _her_ strikes again. Any guess on who she is? **

**I'm sorry I didn't get a PicTease up, for some reason my anti-virus deemed it a threat, but I figured out how to bypass that now. So, I'll be better about that this week. A huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the US ARMY, so hubby has 4 days off=more writing time. Woo Hoo for Ch 6. **

**Yeah, that's about all I've got-ya'll are amazing, I'm seeing a lot of old faces and a few new ones, so welcome to the ride. I love hearing feedback and I do read all reviews, I'll have a Chapter 6 teaser up on Facebook by tomorrow night! On twitter I'm SammieLynnsMom and on FB it's SammieLynnsMom Fanfiction. **

**Have a great week! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

**Warning: Obviously the topic of this story is a bit unique, and if you are absolutely, positively opposed to reading about Edward with other woman, aside from Bella, looked for the bold sentence and skip to the word 'Now.' You have been warned. **

* * *

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

Leaving Dr. Garrett's office on Thursday was hard, not just because I knew it would be a full five days before we could talk and work things out again, but also because I had nothing to really occupy my time during the weekend.

On Friday, I met with my lawyer and we took several steps toward my divorce with Lauren. The judge was getting annoyed with her and her demands, and I think she started to realize that it was all going to end badly if she didn't start becoming more reasonable in her requests. I'd handed over our house willingly, taking only the items that were mine or had sentimental value. We each were keeping our own vehicle, but Lauren kept getting hung-up on the alimony amount. Once we had settled on a number she tried flipping it around to receiving it for life. I'd laughed and told her it would last for each year of our marriage. In reality, I cringed at that, but if it would get things over with I didn't even care.

Saturday and Sunday were spent mostly sleeping and working. I talked to my mom for a few hours, and it was hard not to let the guilt consume me when I realized she was getting so emotional on the line because that was the most we'd spoken in years. I didn't completely neglect my family, but I definitely wasn't a serial caller, either.

_"Are you sure you can't manage another visit soon?" she asked quietly. Her tone sounded off, but I knew she had been crying so I tried to brush it off. _

_"I'm trying, Mom, I swear. I have a trip coming up next month for a few weeks and after that my schedule should be clear enough to manage a week away," I explained, despite the sigh I heard on the other line. _

_"Do you think everything will be finalized by then? With her, I mean," my mom questioned next. Ever since I'd confirmed the divorce, she'd stopped referring to Lauren by name, instead using her and she, like she wasn't worthy of having her name spoken anymore. It kind of made me laugh, but I knew how much my parents hated Lauren so I shouldn't have been shocked._

_"I hope so. It's getting close," I answered with a bit of pep in my voice. _

There was so much that needed to be done once my divorce was final; I had to admit it was tempting just to give Lauren everything she asked for to make her go away. Of course, I wouldn't because the bitch didn't deserve that much, but still, I wanted to be able to move on without the divorce lingering in the background.

My emotions were so torn when it came to _her _and the future I may or may not have with her. Everything inside of me would scream, 'just pick up the phone,' but then I'd remember what I wrote and would walk away again. Time was something we both needed; I just had to hope it wouldn't be too much longer. I refused to even think abouther moving on, and I prayed every night that she believed everything I had poured into the letter I wrote her. I had considering meeting with her instead of writing, but I knew I'd cave and ask for way too many things that I didn't deserve or feel entitled to…yet.

The homework assignment was challenging. I kept going back to the words that were used, and I realized I had never actually agreed to anything that first night. Everything I had said was just a drunken rage, yet Lauren took it and ran with it almost immediately. It further added to the thought that this was somehow planned, but I couldn't figure out why. Lauren had always been better at separating her emotions out of her 'other life' than I was, but we still never went back to normal. Even after the first year, it was still different. Now that I could look back, it was painfully obvious that there really was no going back, ever.

Walking back into Dr. Garrett's office on Tuesday was met with mixed emotions. I knew we'd probably be talking about Tanya today, but I didn't know how much was too much. Obviously I had slept with her, but I didn't need to explain that, I hoped.

Shannon wasn't in her usual spot at her desk, but Dr. Garrett's door was opened like normal so I walked through the doorway and cleared my throat. It was obvious that Dr. Garrett's lack of a receptionist had piled more work on her, as her normally neat desk was lined with files and papers. I held in a chuckle as she got up, looking a little more frazzled than normal.

"Come in, come in." She shooed me inside. "I'm so sorry everything is a bit of a mess today. Shannon went home sick a few hours ago, and the temp agency I normally use hasn't sent someone yet." As Dr. Garrett explained the disorganization of her desk, I simply shrugged it off. We all had those days, and I didn't even want to think about running my office without my secretary. She was a serious lifesaver on more than one occasion.

"Don't worry, I'm not judging," I tried to joke to ease the tension as we both took our seats. "But I do hope Shannon feels better; do you think she'll be back by Thursday?"

"I doubt it," Dr. Garrett answered. "It's some sort of stomach bug, and I imagine if she has it, her daughter will catch it too. I probably won't see her until next week."

"That's a shame," I mused as I mentally reminded myself to bring her a card next week. I had gotten used to her smiling face every time I came in, and I hoped her sickness wouldn't spread to her daughter. I wasn't a parent yet, but I could imagine how difficult that would be, especially a stomach thing.

"Okay, back to business. Homework. How did it go?" Dr. Garrett hit me hard and heavy from the start.

"I'm pretty sure you were right about being set up. I kept trying to focus on the words we both used, and I really never agreed to anything, but she jumped on the train without blinking. It's her motive that I'm still hung up on, but this was definitely what she wanted. Well, the open part. I'm not so sure divorce was ever part of her plans." I rattled off everything I had been thinking.

"I was curious to see if you'd pick up on that or not. From what you described, it sounded more like an angry fit than permission to do something. I'm curious, why don't you think divorce was part of the plan?" she asked next.

"As much as I loved the woman, Lauren is into things. She wants the latest, most extravagant everything, and she wants it right away. I could only see divorce as a means to an end if she thought I'd be supporting her for life, which isn't going to happen, so I don't see why she'd want to go through it. Whether I initially agreed to it or not, we still did it so she was getting what she wanted on the side while I still supported her. She had more to lose because now she's lost my financial support," I explained, while Dr. Garrett noted something on her pad of paper.

"I was more curious than anything, but that would make sense. There was no gain for her, but what about you? There had to have been something to kick start this after two years?" Dr. Garrett looked up at me expectantly while I froze. I really wasn't ready to talk about _her_ just yet, especially since I knew I was still weeks from being able to reach out to talk to her. I swore to her in my letter that I would wait until I had something to offer her, and I wasn't there yet. She had been on my mind so much today that it was starting to get to me. God, I missed _her_.

"Edward?" Dr. Garrett called out my name as I shook my head briefly to bring myself out of my own internal musings.

"I met someone," I started vaguely. "Someone who taught me that all I really had was a second-rate marriage with no real future. When she walked away from me, all I wanted to do was crumble, but I realized that as much as her words stung, she was right. I had nothing to look forward to except pain and hurt, but there I was, left standing as the best thing that had ever happened to me walked away without a second glance. After that happened, I drove straight home and told Lauren I was divorcing her."

Dr. Garrett kept her eyes on me the entire time I talked, and even that couldn't help the smile that played on my face as memories of the past began to flood through. There was way too much laughter and happiness to try and keep track of, but as quickly as it started, it stopped as I realized my surroundings.

"You weren't thinking of Lauren there," Dr. Garrett stated, though it could have been interpreted as a question.

"No. I definitely was not thinking of my soon-to-be ex-wife," I affirmed with a nod.

"Does _she_ have a name?" She drew out the word 'she' as I laughed.

"_She_ does," I answered without going forward, accenting the word just as Dr. Garrett had.

A few seconds passed before she realized I wasn't going to volunteer any more information.

"We'll get back to her," Dr. Garrett warned as I shrugged internally hoping I'd be getting back to her in real time, not just with the stories I had to tell later on. It would take nearly two years' worth of memories before we got there, but she was still there…always there, reminding me of everything I wanted to have in the future.

"Okay, then," Dr. Garrett pushed on, "Let's go back to where we were. What happened the next day? After Lauren believed she'd gained your permission."

"I'm glad you have a comfortable couch," I joked as I lay down.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_The alcohol had slowly left my system, leaving in its wake a massive headache and an overall nauseous feeling. Prying myself out of bed wasn't easy, but I went about my morning routine after popping some aspirin and got ready for work. I would be leaving for almost a week soon, and I knew I still had a lot to discuss with Lauren. I had been a little surprised not to find her in bed when I woke up, considering it was the first night I'd spent in our bedroom since the incident happened, but my head hurt too much for me to think about it. _

_However, I almost tripped coming out of the shower when I saw her perched on the bathroom sink. She looked ready to go for the day, wearing a huge smile despite the early hour. My heart rate sped up, and I got dizzy for a second before controlling my senses again._

_"Shit," I muttered a little louder than normal. "You scared the hell out of me." _

_"Sorry," she replied apologetically. "Are you just leaving your car at the airport this week?"_

_"Yeah," I mumbled. "I'm leaving early and coming home late so I didn't figure you wanted to drop me off." _

_"You're probably right," she agreed after a second. I had started to shave my face when she dropped the bomb on me a minute or so later. "So, I have plans while you're gone."_

_Thankfully I had enough sense to put the razor down before I turned my head in her direction. Her face was a mix between giddy and excitement as I realized she wasn't joking the night before._

_"You're insane. You know this, right?" I shot back in aggravation as I realized how fast this was all moving. Had she just been waiting for me to say yes? I shook my head and refocused my attention away from her. _

_"Why? Look, I was reading this book, and it said-" she tried to explain, but I interrupted her quickly. _

_"Whatever, Lauren," I snapped. "A book told you that sleeping with another man is the way to have a better marriage, is that where this going?" _

_I wanted so badly to fight her on this, but between the hangover and inability to be late to work, I just didn't have it in me. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"Would you say avoidance got you this far?" Dr. Garrett asked, partially interrupting my story.

"I guess," I mused as I sat up. "I mean, I guess if I had the opportunity to fight it, it should have been then, but I just didn't. I turned my back and pretended like it was some nightmare. That was actually the last conversation we had before I left. Sad, huh? She was already asleep when I got in that night and I didn't see her the next day either, which struck me as odd, but I refused to think about where else she could be."

"What changed? I understand the initial start time being uncomfortable and awkward, but this went on for years, so I doubt it was always like this," she reasoned as I nodded. She was right in that it did get better, but not until after I got back from my trip.

"Well, I went on my business trip and journeyed to the hotel bar," I answered as I laid back down, noting that I only had about twenty more minutes left.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_Nothing more than a few texts were shared between Lauren and I for the first three days I was gone. I was half way across the country, dealing with a negotiation that could very well lead to another promotion in my future, and I just couldn't focus on what was going on at home. I thought about calling Lauren a time or two, but then I feared she wouldn't answer because she was off with someone else; if she were, what would I hear? Then, I'd get so focused on what she could be doing that I'd get angry that I was even in this position. I'd even get angry at myself for letting it go so far when it definitely wasn't something I wanted._

_On the third night, I got frustrated and went downstairs to the hotel bar to blow off some steam. So far, the talks had been going in our favor, and I deserved a shot of Scotch or something. The lights were low, bar food on the tables, and I received a sympathetic smile from the bartender when he asked me what I wanted. He obviously had no idea what was really going on in my life, but he could tell something was up. _

_I had been sitting downstairs pretending to focus on a football game when a sea of red hair showed up in my peripheral vision. _

_"You look like someone ran over your dog," she whispered as my head swung over. I tried to laugh, but instead, I was just kind of awestruck. I blinked a few times before regaining my composure. _

_"Then it's a good thing I don't own a dog," I shot back as I focused on the drink in my head. _

_"Okay, so no doggy homicide; what gives? I know bars can be filled with super boring, depressing people, but you're way too handsome to be this boring…or depressed." She edged further as I realized she was flirting with me. Despite the wedding ring on my left hand, she was still pursuing me. Even though it was far from the first time this had happened since I got married, especially in college, it struck a nerve within me that night. _

_"The fact that I wear a ring doesn't bother you?" I shot back as I turned to meet her eyes. Unlike Lauren's blue eyes, this woman's were hazel. _

_"Not really, no," she answered honestly. "I wear one too." Her hands flew around her neck as she pulled a chain out from behind her shirt and let the dangling ring hit against her chest. _

_"Why isn't it on your finger?" I asked honestly, a little thrown off by her reply. _

_"Because he's not here and I'm not his wife right now," she replied almost flippantly. I had never heard anyone talk about marriage so casually before, and I had to admit it shook me a bit. "You're confused, I see it. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but we both travel for work, so when we're not together we're free to do our own things. You looked depressed, so I figured I'd try and cheer you up. I won't lie and say I'm not interested in you, but I'm not exactly looking for a meaningful connection. Get what I'm saying?" _

_"My wife wanted to open up our marriage," I blurted out like vomit as her eyes went wide. "Though, I guess we already are since she told me she had plans while I was away this week. How do you do it? I mean, did you want this type of a thing?"_

_It was probably way too forward to be asking those types of questions, but this woman, who coincidentally noticed me in a hotel bar, may have been able to explain things to be better since she was living it. _

_"Slow down there, Tiger. You haven't even bought me a drink yet," she teased before launching into her own life story. She told me about her husband, how much they work, and the different schedules they have. She explained how they both went into their marriage already having an open relationship, so getting married was just a simple technicality. She said she didn't know what the future held, but she honestly couldn't see them closing it down. It would probably be like this forever unless one of them decided to leave. Tanya, as she finally introduced herself to me, told me that being open was about sex, not love, and that is how she differentiated between the two. She loved her husband; she just loved sex too much to only have it about twelve times a year. Her husband felt the same way, and they had a certain set of rules that kept them in check. _

_They always had to disclose when something happened, but never the details. They could see the same person more than once, but each agreed any more than six times in a year was too much. While Tanya always remained on birth control, she also always used condoms, as did her husband. And, they were tested every three months for possible STDs. Co-workers and business contacts were off limits, as were their mutual living spaces. No pictures or videos, ever._

_With every word she spoke, I could see the confidence in her eyes and hear how passionate she felt about the subject. It was obvious that she believed fully in having open relationships, and it was a tough pill to swallow. We ended up sitting in the bar until almost one in the morning before I offered to walk her back to her room, which she gladly accepted. As we rode the elevator up, I thanked her for all of the insight she provided, but she shrugged it off, saying it was no problem. _

_"This is me," she announced as she stood in front of her door a few minutes later. While I could honestly admit she looked and acted nothing like Lauren, I would have been lying if I said I hadn't paid a little more attention to her. Between her hazel eyes and red hair, it was honestly hard not to, but when she asked me to come in, I didn't say no. _

_My heart screamed at me to walk, hell, run away, but my head argued back that Lauren was obviously sleeping with, or had slept with, someone else by now. Turnabout was fair play. _

_Tanya sauntered into the room while I trailed only a few steps behind her. I looked away as she began to remove the sweater she had been wearing downstairs, but it was her laughter that made me look back. She stood against the hotel table with her arms across her chest, a smirk playing on her lips. _

_"Look, Edward, we don't have to do this." She tried to give me an out. "But if we do, there are a few more things we should go over." _

_I nodded for her to continue. _

_"First, this comes off," she started as she pulled the chain from around her neck and let the metals clash together on the table behind her. "As does yours. That ring doesn't belong in that bed." She pointed for dramatic effect. "Nor does it belong in any future bed you get into that isn't with your wife. Your wife isn't here right now, so when I get naked, you don't look away. When I kiss you, you don't pull away. When you fuck another woman, you don't think about her. Right now, you're not Edward the husband; you're Edward the lover to whoever you have in your bed at the time. Understand?"_

_I gulped and nodded, my eyes probably looking like a deer in headlights. I was speechless for the first time all night, as images of Lauren, our wedding, and then Tanya undressed before me flashed before my eyes. I was doing this…really, actually going to do this. I didn't even have time to think about how I had gotten there before Tanya spoke again. _

_"Good. Now take off the ring," she ordered as I pulled it off and let it fall onto the armoire I had been standing next to. _

**_*~*~*THEN: What Happened That Night*~*~*_**

_"Now, come here," Tanya forced as she strode over to me, stood on her toes, and pushed her lips onto mine. Immediately my mind began to scream, but the few glasses of scotch had already began to ease my nerves before we even got to this point. _

_When Tanya used the word fuck, she wasn't saying it lightly. She pulled at my belt buckle with force I had never felt before, while I pulled the undershirt she had been wearing over her head and threw it somewhere aimlessly. The clothes shedding took only a few minutes once our shoes were removed, and we literally fell into the bed. _

_Tanya produced a condom from the draw while my lips stayed attached to her neck. I couldn't even describe what had taken over me; my only focus became on sex. I shut out everything else that was happening around me and focused on the beautiful woman in front of me who obviously felt I was worthy enough to have sex with. _

_And sex we had. Tanya liked it hard-very, very hard, and I came to find out I liked it that way, too. I roared over her body when I felt her fingernails drag down my back as I pumped harder and faster into her pussy. When I did something she liked, Tanya was very, very vocal about it. She screamed, moaned, and thrashed around me. _

_I hadn't even realized how much time had passed until I was disposing of the used condom, finding my clothes, and grabbing my ring. This time, it went back into my pocket instead of on my finger. I wasn't sure why I didn't want to wear it then; the past few hours had tainted what it used to stand for. In college, when I would get hit on, I'd simply point to my ring and shrug. Most girls took the hint, but now…now it was just a piece of jewelry. The true values and meaning behind it were gone for good. I stood in front of the door for a few seconds too long, debating if I should say anything before I heard Tanya's voice called out, 'This is the part where you say thank you and leave.' I turned to see her standing there, naked, with a smile on her face. _

_"Thank you," I said before I left her room and went back to mine._

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"So, it's a fair assumption that you learned you could be with someone else without Lauren getting in the way for you mentally?" Dr. Garrett asked as I sat back up.

"Yeah, I think that's a fair way to describe it," I replied. Being with Tanya was intense on a physical level. There was nothing there emotionally, but on the platform of sex itself, she fucking rocked my world that night, and I was only now seeing that my world never went back to normal. Once I met her, I wasn't even sure my world could have gone back to normal, but we did eventually find a medium to live in that seemed normal. Tanya would never compare to the person I had met in the future, but for that time period she was exactly who I needed to meet to get me over the hump of accepting where I was. If I could go back in time, I would, as oxymoronic as it sounded, simply because I knew who was coming along the way.

"When I got back to my room," I started to explain because I knew it needed to be said, "I expected to feel numb, regret, guilt, anything, but what I actually felt was excitement. Almost like I was alive again. It confused me and freaked me out all at the same time, but I texted Lauren that night that I had met someone, took her to bed, and was back in my room. I didn't receive another text my entire trip away after that. When I got home, I found out that the guy Lauren planned to hook-up with was a no-show. When she got my text, she should have been busy, but instead, by technicality, I went out of our marriage first."

Dr. Garrett seemed surprised at that as I watched her note something down, but didn't say anything more. I knew our time was up, and since this was my lunch hour, running late wasn't an option.

"Well, our time is up, and since I'll see you in two days there's no homework this time. You've come a long way with sharing since you first started, and it shows in your ability to see things. On Thursday we'll talk about what happened when you got home, okay?"

I nodded and thanked her for her time before rushing back to work, feeling hopeful that I could really work through all of this stuff after all. When I got the idea to start therapy, I obviously knew I wanted to discover everything from another perspective, but I was still terrified of actually talking about it. With each session I realized that the more I talked, the easier it became, but finally committing and talking about the first woman I slept with outside of my wife went a lot smoother than I thought it would. Being honest, I still wondered about Tanya. There was nothing emotional about my thoughts, but she was so confident and self-assured that I wondered if she and her husband ever settled down, traveled less, and started a family. She never struck me as the type, but I still wondered where she was today. If I saw her tomorrow, I'd buy her a drink for introducing me to this world the way she had. Through it all, Tanya brought me one step closer to her, and right now, thoughts of her were all I had to keep my head on straight.

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**Hey ya'll! So, I'm sick as hell, a bit sun burnt, but should still be working on Chapter 7 tomorrow.**

**Thank you for all the reviews and kinds words. I was PM'd by a few who read via their mobile advice and told me signing in to leave a review is a PITA, so I've opened it up for anon reviews for the first time ever. Hopefully this helps-I read on my Kindle and it won't even let me get pasted the security box now, so I feel ya! **

**That's about all I've got...teaser up on FB soon! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone!**

**I own nothing beyond the musing in my head. Thank you to BusyBrie for betaing and Rhonda for pre-reading!**

**Warning: Obviously the topic of this story is a bit unique, and if you are absolutely, positively opposed to reading about Edward with other woman, aside from Bella, looked for the bold sentence and skip to the word 'Now.' You have been warned. **

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*~*~*NOW*~*~*

Time seemed to zoom by when it was just a Tuesday to a Thursday, which I became very thankful for. I also knew we were nearing our time to re-evaluate our appointment schedule, but at that point I still felt two times a week was needed. I hoped Dr. Garrett agreed, because I still had so much to get through. Not just how it ended with Lauren, but also how it started with _her_. I still feared for the future. I wanted to be a better man; I _have_ to be a better man.

As expected, Shannon wasn't at her desk, but there was a smiling face in her place. Unlike normal days where I would be told to walk right in, I was told to take a seat and Dr. Garrett would be out to get me shortly.

Of course, only seconds went by before the door opened and I walked back.

I took my seat on the couch, a little more anxious than I was on Tuesday. I had finally gotten over the hump of admitting to my first sexual act outside of my wife, but now I had to remember the immediate downfall. While the guilty feelings and questions didn't hit me automatically, the second I came home and saw Lauren again it became a completely different experience.

"Any big changes?" Dr. Garrett asked conversationally as I nodded my head.

"The divorce should be finalized within the next thirty days," I announced with a smile on my face. I felt so much relief knowing that I could finally put my life with Lauren behind me, no more hiding. "I'm giving more than I wanted to, but I just want this over with. I can live with the agreement and Lauren went through with signing this time, so now it's in the hands of the judge."

"That is excellent news," Dr. Garrett agreed. "I'm never happy when a couple divorces, but given your circumstances, I'm glad the fighting is over."

"You and me both," I replied as I lay down in my typical spot.

"So, you went home…" Dr. Garrett shifted gears while I sighed.

_*~*~*THEN*~*~*_

_My last two days away were as uneventful as the first two. I never saw Tanya again, nor did I tour the hotel bar. Lauren had taken to ignoring my calls, and after one super late night, we landed the deal we wanted. Everyone I had traveled with had gone out for a celebratory drink, but that was about as exciting as it got. _

_On the plane ride home, though, reality began to sink in. I had immediately put my wedding ring back on the next morning, but I'd gotten so wrapped up in work that I hadn't had a lot of time to think about it. I knew if I didn't wear it, someone would notice and I didn't want that, so it was more out of social obligation than anything. But while I sat on the plane and stared at it, I realized what I had truly done. Whether I wanted this arrangement or not, whether I had agreed to it or not didn't matter anymore. I had done it. After spending my entire adult life only being intimate with one person, I had now doubled that number. _

_Lauren talked about how this wouldn't change us, but I wasn't naïve enough to believe that now. My mind was living proof that we were never going to be able to go back in time as if none of this had happened. Then I started thinking about the future and what it would mean for that. We had been talking about trying to get pregnant for a while now, but I knew there was no way in hell that was going to come up as long as this was happening. Now that it was done, though, did it mean being open was over? She had done her thing, I'd done mine; was that it? I wasn't sure how I felt about that either. Tanya had showed me a side of myself I didn't even know existed and I wasn't sure how to ignore that now. I was always so loving and gentle with Lauren; could I be anything else? Could I take her like an animal and still be able to live with myself? Would she want me to? It felt like the bubble we had been living in had completed burst open and now I didn't know how to act. _

_I had way too many questions piled up in my head. By the time I got home, I was just as confused as I was when I left. Lauren's car was in the driveway, but she didn't greet me like she typically did. I tried not to be hurt about that, but I had to admit that I was. This was her idea and all, and I thought when we were together we were supposed to pretend like nothing was different. At least, that was how Tanya explained it, but Lauren and I didn't have any rules to follow. Did all couples have the same rules? I groaned and went in search of my wife. _

_When I got to our bedroom, I found Lauren asleep on our bed. She didn't even flinch as I unpacked my bag and separated the clothes that needed to go to the dry cleaner's. She still hadn't moved a muscle while I was in the shower. Finally, once I was dressed again, I sat on the edge of the bed and nudged her a bit to try and wake her up._

_"Lauren," I called just above a whisper. Fear overtook me as I realized I would have to face my wife. I loved her; even after all this ridiculous nonsense, I knew I did. She was everything to me, but when she opened her eyes I was not expecting to see such hurt behind her eyes. _

_"Hey," she croaked. I could tell her mouth was dry and she genuinely seemed like she was sleeping, versus simply ignoring me. However, it wasn't her voice that had my attention. She began to scoot up in bed as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. Immediately my nose became assaulted with perfume and my thoughts were pulled away to a time before this mess started. Guilt pounded through me as the weight of the world began to crush me. "Edward, what…" Lauren attempted to get out, but I moved my lips from her forehead to her mouth and cut her off. _

_I pulled the blanket completely away from Lauren's body and covered it with my own. My mouth kissed every inch of her body as I pulled off her dress first, followed by her panties, before removing my own clothes. It went on for well over an hour as I whispered words of love over and over again until we were both a heaping mess. _

_*~*~*NOW*~*~*_

"I'm not sure how I feel about being more detailed than that," I admitted in real time.

"It's okay," Dr. Garrett explained. "I don't need the play-by-play, but it's safe to assume you went from one extreme to another. When you left, you were disgusting by her, but then you came home and became very loving."

"Yeah," I agreed as I sat up. "I was so angry with her for even thinking about this, about that guy, about everything, that I guess I never really dealt with any of that. Then I came home and it was like I saw the woman I'd married again. I loved Lauren truly and completely, and I felt like, at that point, I didn't even know myself anymore, didn't know my life. Looking back, I can see that it was doomed from the start, but at the time I felt like I was grasping onto anything I could. Not just because I loved Lauren, but also because I wasn't ready to admit that I was wrong. What I should have done was simply walked away, told her to do her thing after we were divorced, but there was no way my pride was going to let that happen."

"Go back to that," Dr. Garrett called out. "Why do you think it was pride? Pride because this was your wife and you are man, or because of your family?"

"Both," I started. "Part of me felt like I had failed her as a husband. Like, if I had done my job she wouldn't have even been thinking about this type of stuff, but on the other hand, there was no way I was ready to call my family and tell them that they might have been right about Lauren."

"Your actions sound very bi-polar," Dr. Garrett joked, and I laughed.

"That is one way to think about it," I replied off-handedly. "But I guess you'd be right. In a way, I turned into two different people, and over time, I learned to control my switch. I'm just left to figure out how I even managed to form the switch. This wasn't what I wanted by a long shot; I like traditional values, dating, marriage, children, family, work, not sleeping around with the goal of just having fun. If my parents found out, I'd be mortified, yet I still did it…why?"

"Only you can answer that, Edward," Dr. Garrett reminded me as she looked up with a serious expression. "Despite my degree and experience, sometimes there are even things I can't tell you because I wasn't there. I'm also not a mind-reader, so while I do look for cues that you're holding back, I'm not in there."

I sighed and nodded.

"If I were to wager a guess, I would think your answer is very multi-sided. On one hand, you are romantic with traditional standards; at least, that is what you call yourself. Do your actions line-up with that mindset? Not really. We also know you're stubborn and accepting help, guidance, and advice has not been your strong suit. There is a reason why most young marriages don't work, and it's not necessarily because the couple is young. It's because you haven't stopped growing yet. I imagined if you looked back and truly opened yourself up to who you were at eighteen, even twenty-one, you'd find that you're nothing like you were then.

"Edward, your biggest barrier is yourself. You say that you wanted this and that, but your actions don't speak that way. You may want that now, you may push for it in future relationships, but you're looking back at yourself two years ago with your feelings of today. You're simply not the same man. Even if this hadn't happened, everyone changes over time. It's not always big or dramatic, but we grow and evolve as we learn and experience new things. I think what you need to stop holding onto is what you think you wanted; instead, focus on what happened and learn from that," she preached as I nodded.

My mind slowly took over itself as I began to go over her words over and over in my head. I wasn't sure she was right, yet I wasn't sure she was wrong. Did I have a set way of wanting to be without actually acting that way? If I were being honest, I didn't really have an answer for that. It scared me to think that I had been looking at myself through rose-colored glasses, too. Yes, Lauren suggested this, but I jumped in head-first, and after the first few weeks, I didn't question much. Sure, there were hard times and adjustments, but I never fought her. All talks of the future seized and we lived in the moment.

"Edward," Dr. Garrett called out after a second to grab my attention. My eyes snapped up, even though the wheels in my head hadn't stopped turning. "Why are you here?" she asked directly.

I blinked rapidly at her as the confusion and clouds began to clear. Why was I here? When I first met her, I told her I needed help dissecting what went wrong. That I needed to figure out how to ensure my future wouldn't be marred by the past, but really, I was pretty sure along the way that something had changed and I hadn't even realize it. Somewhere along the way, this became more about me and less about the relationship.

"I'm here because I want to be a better person," I started with a cough to clear my throat. "I'm here because I want to be a better man. I want to feel like I deserve the good in life, and that I deserve to have a future that isn't dictated by my past. I'm here to fix me."

"Then that I can help with," Dr. Garrett replied with a nod and a smile. I was pretty sure it was some huge breakthrough, but really, it my head hurt a little too much to process it.

"Next week, I'd like to discuss your reaction when you found out Lauren hadn't gone along with the plan and then how the plan reformed. It's not just that this was something that only happened once or twice; this went on for years, and if I understand correctly, with multiple people. We're going to talk more about that while we get to the _her_ you speak so cryptically about. Have you talked to her since you started coming here?" Dr. Garrett questioned.

"No," I answered. "After the last time I saw her, I wrote her a letter and swore that I wouldn't call her again until I knew I deserved to be someone she spent time on. I know it sounds like I'm probably here a lot for her, but it's not just her. It's a lot more than just her, but I'll admit she was my driving force when I first started."

"That is good to hear," she remarked. "I can't help you fix your relationships with people, I can't help you fix the past, but I can help you reevaluate yourself. Edward, you're not broken, you just lost track of who you were along the way and it's time to regain that. That is why I'm here."

"Thank you." I moved to leave, feeling like a weight had been lifted off me. I didn't even realize it had been sitting there, but I finally felt like I had a purpose in the world.

When I got to the car I was surprised to see a text from my brother, Emmett. I frowned as I thought of the last conversation I had with him, but was excited to see the text he sent out was an announcement that he and his wife, Rosalie, were expecting again. I sent back a quick congratulatory message, letting him know that I had received his text. I assumed it was a mass text since it didn't start with my name, which would have been typical of Emmett, but I knew our relationship was still strained. Of course, that was completely my fault and I knew I'd have to call sooner or later to apologize for what happened on Lauren and my last trip home.

However, I knew if I wanted to see my new niece or nephew I'd need to suck up my pride and get through the 'I told you so's.' Coming from Emmett and Rosalie it would be different. Unlike my parents, they knew what was happening in my marriage. It was a complete accident on my part, but they'd known and they both let me have it the night before we flew home. Right before I started driving away, it dawned on me that I hadn't actually talked to them since the divorce was announced.

I sighed, realizing I'd need to fix that soon.

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**First and foremost, I'm sorry this is late. If you're on my FB, I've been a little more specific there, because I'm going to be pretty vague here. This is to protect the identity of a friend-note, this isn't MY personal life, but the life of someone else I happen to really care about. When I started writing Blind Intentions, none of my friends had their child go missing. When I wrote Meeting Myself, no one came knocking on anyone's door claiming to be their long-lost child. While writing Ch 7, a marriage that was once considered a solid rock, that had started to crumble, confirmed an affair, and it rocked me. Rocked this because I couldn't even open the doc I was writing in-through a talk with Rhonda (my pre-reader) I realized I needed to take everything I was feeling, for my friend, and translate it-so I did. And, in this case, I think Ch 7 is better for it...just ridiculous late. **

**I can not promise to update next week, but I will promise at least bi-weekly. I get in phases where I can write 9 chapters in 10 days (Meeting Myself, anyone?) and then others, where I've been rocked, and it's harder because I begin to overthink. I think I'm past the overthinking, but I'd rather warn you. **

**For those wondering about Bella-she's coming, I swear, and it's won't be a quick, boom, HEA either-so I promise, for every chapter she isn't in it, there will be a chapter where she will be :) **

**Thank you for your support via twitter, fb, and through PMs. Ya'll rock! **


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